Weekly Recap| Apr 5-11, 2015

Weekly Recap
Weekly Recap

News & Updates at Oh, the Books!

Server Maintenance

Our blog will be down (Noooooo! D:) for 48 hours from 10PM CST on Wednesday, April 16th due to a server transfer. We have been encouraged by our host provider to not post any new content during this time as it may get lost during the transition, so there will be no posts going live on Thursday or Friday. It is also recommended that you do not comment during this time period as it may get lost! (Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to put a notice up in our sidebar before it happens as a reminder.) Thank you for your understanding! <3

In Case You Missed It

Here’s all the stuff that we posted this week.

Kelley also participated in The Best Book I Ever Read {Science Fiction}.

Our Lives This Week

In Asti’s Life…

What’s the point of completing this section of the weekly recap when one has nothing to talk about? I could repeat how I’m perpetually depressed and on the verge of breaking down every other day, but I don’t want to put that kind of stuff out there. I don’t want people to see me weak like that, to realize how incredibly negative my state of mind is, to see that my strength I had when I wrote my posts about my past with depression has completely evaporated and left me as a pile of what seems to be never-ending happiness.

At the same time, I don’t have the strength to hide it when I’m online. I have to hide it every single day with my family, where our separate issues with our mental states clash and always inevitably result in me being some cold, heartless villain. I have to hide it every single day with Dave, needing to pretend I’m stronger than what I am and that somehow I can last the next however-many-years until we may be reunited again, when sometimes I really don’t know if I can do it. I have to hide it every single day with myself, scared that if I released the floodgates of my emotions there would be more damage that I could ever handle.

I know what people will say: hang in there, it’ll get better, we love you, etc . And I appreciate every kind word, I really, truly do. But there always comes a point where you just don’t want to hear it. Where you want to shake the world and shout about how you know things may eventually get better, how you know you really don’t have it as bad as others, how you know that there are so many people around you providing support – but that it doesn’t matter. That the world is constantly tinted black by the sunglasses of depression I wear and no matter how pretty a picture the world paints for me it only shows up as pain and hopelessness in my eyes.

I hate it, I really, really do. My struggles with my internal depression only make me more depressed. It creates self-loathing, the itch for self-destructive behaviors, the need for escape. It encourages me to spend each day emotionally and mentally numb just to avoid the pain life can bring, and I can’t help but find myself withdrawing from it all – social media, blogging, life. I want to be happy. I want to live a fully functional life without having to constantly combat with my own mind. I want to be the strong, positive person that I know I can be. But sometimes those things aren’t a choice, only a dream.

So yes, what is the point of completing this section each week, especially when looking at it only forces me to realize how little of a life I have to share? There is no point. So, unless something (positive) happens in my life that I want to share, I will probably stop contributing to this section of the Weekly Recap. If you really want to know how I’m doing, just email me.

And apologies for the long, depressing ramble. I avoid my feelings so often that when I do finally give myself permission to open that door, all kinds of feels come flooding out.

In Kelley’s Life…

The absolute worst part about living alone is the dreaded-yet-seemingly-unavoidable Insect Encounter. It’s bad enough that I got home on Friday to discover snail trails all over my cat’s food area, but later that day I had to deal with a cockroach—no, half of a cockroach.

That’s right. Half of a cockroach was slowly walking around near my desk, and since my cat was completely uninterested in this spectacle, it was up to me to… do something about it. So I grabbed a sturdy shoe, mustered my courage, and smacked that half-roach as hard as I could. And then I quickly dropped the shoe and shrunk back with a squeal of terror as the mangled roach parts flew into the air toward me!

After a moment, I um… leaned forward to inspect what was left of it. Clearly, it was shredded beyond life, yes? Oh no… well — yes, it was shredded to bits — but somehow it was STILL. MOVING. I’ll spare you the rest of the story, but I continued… dealing with it (and the freaking disgusting pile of guts it left behind on my floor), and then proceeded to be creeped the hell out for the rest of the evening.*

On a happier note, however, I went to two pretty amazing YA author events this week. Wednesday was the Epic Reads tour, where I saw Heather Brewer, Victoria Aveyard, Sarah Raasch, and Danielle Page. Then Saturday was Teen Book Con, which was as incredible as always!

*I mean, where the hell is the OTHER half of the roach? o_O

Elsewhere in the blogosphere

Tweet of the Week

On Blogging and Book Reviewing

Blogging Tips and Tricks
Reviews, Ratings, and ARCs
A Blogger’s Life

On Writing & The Industry

Things Bookworms Think About

A Reader’s Life
Acquiring Books
Readers and Authors
What’s Inside
DNFing Books
When it Comes to Series
Sharing Books
Hot Topics
Bookish Fun

So, how was your week?

Asti Kelley

Read 9 comments

  1. Asti – if it were me in your position, I’d be depressed as fuck (pardon my language). You shouldn’t feel guilty. Life isn’t kind to you right now, and it isn’t weird or weak of you that you’re not happy. There isn’t really anything I, random person on the internets, can say to make it better for you, but I’m sending you my best wishes anyway. Depression is the worst, especially when it returns after you thought you’d beaten it.

    Kelley – Ewwwwww. That’s horror movie material!

  2. It pains me to see how bad you are feeling Asti, but at the same time I’m happy this is at least a place where you can talk about your true feelings. Where you can say anything instead of pretend. So if it helps to type this down right here, you should not stop doing it. I wish you also had real life people you could talk to, perhaps you should find someone professional to support you?

    Kelley EW EW EW. I’m not really scared of bugs, but that is creepy!

  3. Asti, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. This past week hasn’t been particularly kind to me either, so I share your sentiments on having to fake happiness. Depression is a beast that does not give up easily, unfortunately. Please know you can always get in touch if you need to talk, okay? I think I speak for the entire book blogging community when I say that we’re all here for you.

    Kelley, excuse me while I run screaming in the other direction! Seriously, so many kudos to you for dealing with the half-roach. *adopts Aslan voice* Your courage in the face of such hardship shall not go unnoticed. ;)

  4. Asti, it’s okay to feel how you feel. You shouldn’t deny it, or hide it, or believe it makes you weak or incapable. It’s difficult to do, but sometimes, at least, every so often, you should tell somebody what your feeling, and though I’m not aware of what it is you’re going through with Dave, telling and him and being honest could be good for the both you. He may be the honest support you need right now..

    If you’d like someone to talk to that will just listen with no judgement or attempting to understand, I’m here should you need somebody at any point. Please, don’t apologise for being yourself Asti.

    Kelley kelley kelley, I feel your pain immensely, cockroaches are disgusting anyway, and I just, urgh, half a cockroach, still alive, what the flying heck?! I’m seriously hoping the other half stays away!

    As always, thanks for sharing my post, I highly appreciate it girls, really, I do. Hope things get better!<3

  5. @Asti I know how hard it is to struggle with depression and there’s nothing to do that really makes it beter and it’s unclear how long you will be stuck there and the only thing you can do is get through another day and then another. Focus on the small things. It’s hard to hide it and maybe it’s better to share how bad you feel with someone as talking about it can help sometimes. I always try to share my more positive side on the blog as wel, but when it get’s hard it can be nice to let it all out sometimes.

    @Kelley that cockroach encounter sounds horrible and scary. I am actually the one in our household who kills all the insects as my boyfriend is scared for them. I am not afraid of them, but they are disgusting and I wish they just stayed outside.

    Thanks for linking to my post! I always love these posts and checking out al these amazing posts other blogger wrote!

  6. *hugs* Hang in there Asti. Don’t feel like you need to pretend or put on a happy place for us. We’re all your friends and want to be there for you. Pretending sounds SO EXHAUSTING.

    I’m actually going through something CRAZY upsetting right now and I wish I could share it with everyone, but it’s kind of a private family thing that we’re not sharing right now.. and it’s hard because it’s really upsetting and I feel like I’m bursting at the seams because I want support from all my blogger friends. I know everyone would be there for me, just like we’re all here for you. :)

  7. Asti – My heart breaks for you. Please do what’s best for you, but you don’t bother by worrying what others might think. I wish the best for you. Always.

    Kelley – I grew up in Puerto Rico where bugs are abundant and diverse so I feel your pain. Thankfully, I have three boys and a hubby to take care of that stuff ;)

    Thanks for the mention!

  8. I feel like I’ll stumble over my words as I say this so I’m going to keep it simple. It kills me not to be able to give you a hug right now. I’m also glad that this is a space where you feel comfortable with just being you, and whether it be chirpy, real or brutal, know that I’m always here for you. Do what you think is best. I will happily take you up on that email thing :D

    KELLEY WHAT THE HECK?!! HALF??? NOPE. Nope. Nope. Nope. That I can not do. I can kill FULL cockroaches but half ones are it for me (which is so weird because there’s technically less to kill LOL). You mustered up enough courage to smack it and well, you’re my hero hahaha

    Keeping trooping, you two. Eat an orange, visit the sea. Take a nap on the grass (although maybe not this one because damn, there are a lot of insects and whatnot in there hahaha)

Leave a Reply